


throwing hands with a god

by winterbitch (WinterLadyy)



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack-ish, Established Relationship, Feral Jaskier, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Protective Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22378507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterLadyy/pseuds/winterbitch
Summary: As it turns out, Jaskier will call a god 'bitch' and bargain with them to save Geralt. Yennefer concludes that the bard has more balls than she gave him credit for.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 39
Kudos: 1737
Collections: Fics good enough to send to my sister, Well that was delightful





	throwing hands with a god

**Author's Note:**

> i am SO sorry for this idk what came over me

“Hey, bitch-lady!”

Yennefer and Geralt both stare at Jaskier as the man drags someone behind him, stomping into the clearing, messy and bloody. The goddess startles and turns to the bard, who stares at her with fire in his eyes.

He lets the man he was dragging slump on the ground and puts his hands on his hips.

“You can’t have the Witcher, sorry,” he says as if he didn’t just call a goddess ‘bitch’. Yennefer is both shocked, angry and a bit in awe. 

“And why is that, mortal?” the goddess asks surprisingly calm.

“He’s a good man. You can’t have a good man when you can take this piece of shit instead,” Jaskier declares, kicking the laying man. He gives a weak grunt but doesn’t move.

“I cannot make a choice on who to take,” the lady says. “Geralt of Rivia agreed to the ritual and now he pays the price.”

Jaskier sighs deeply and glares at the Witcher. “Geralt of Rivia shouldn’t be allowed to make any important decisions. He’s short of a marble and can’t be held responsible.”

“And you are allowed to make important decisions?”

The bard throws his hands up. “Someone has to, and it definitely can’t be him!”

The goddess stares at the man for a long second, before shifting her eyes to the figure laying on the floor.

“Why him?”

“He’s an evil piece of shit who sells people and makes a profit from it. The world will be better without him,” he states as if it’s that easy.

Yennefer didn’t think he had that in him.

“Will you convict that man to death in the Witcher’s place?” she asks curiously, looking at Jaskier again.

“Yes,” the bard replies instantly. “As I said, you can’t have the Witcher.”

“You love him.”

Jaskier rolls his eyes. “Of course I do, everyone knows that. He’s not allowed to leave me like that when I _told_ him we should’ve left this cursed place and went to the coast.”

“I see,” the goddess hums. She turns to look at Geralt who is vaguely pale, probably imagining all she can do to the bold bard. “It’s not often one is as rude to me as you are, Julian Alfred Pankratz.”

“I’d say it’s not often one tries to kill the man I love, but I would be laying,” Jaskier says. “Doesn’t make it any easier, though, and I’d like to avoid going to whatever underworld you have to get him back.”

“You think you’d succeed in that?”

“I’m very stubborn.”

Silence falls over them and Yennefer is really curious what will happen. She’s worried, of course, but she can tell that the goddess is a bit amused by the situation.

“Very well,” the goddess finally says, and Jaskier sags a bit, relieved. Yennefer doesn’t show it, but she’s also relieved that she won’t be losing the Witcher today. “The life of this man for the life of Geralt of Rivia.”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” Jaskier states and promptly kicks the man closer to the goddess.

In a swirl of magic, Yennefer can only dream to have, the goddess and the man disappear, leaving them standing in the clearing shocked.

“Geralt!”

Jaskier is by Geralt’s side in a flash, hands cupping his face, angry and happy at the same time.

“What the fuck did you do, Jaskier-”

The bard cuts him off with a kiss, one that the Witcher instantly melts into. “You’re so stupid, so reckless, fuck’s sake, Geralt, you’ll be the death of me, I can’t believe I had to call a goddess a bitch to stop you from dying, you dumb dumb man…”

Geralt rolls his eyes, before kissing him again and Yennefer sighs, only exasperated. It’s not often one meets a bard willing to fight a god to get someone back.


End file.
